the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We don't watch enough power rangers
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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