he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize