...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Randomize
