the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
