I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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