Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
