he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
