She announced her abortion via fbk
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So vagazzling was a success
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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