i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Can you repeat that, but with context?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
