Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
