Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
