You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
