Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize