would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
