i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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