I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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