The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I love you.
Bad choice
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
