Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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