just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
