My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
