Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
