i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
