i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
