I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
