Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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