Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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