Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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