I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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