I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
