Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
