there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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