so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
