I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
