How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just gift wrapped bread.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
