john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
