I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
