I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
