you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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