I love black thongs
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
sarcasm needs its own font
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize