Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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