I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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