i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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