I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
did i walk over a car last night?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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