Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
