Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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