Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
