Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
