I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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