My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
