I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
