I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
