I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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