so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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