When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
