Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
