His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Randomize
