Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
