Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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