That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
