does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
