we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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