after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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