I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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