Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
