get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
