No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
