You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
do nipples grow back?
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