You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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