why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
