it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
