fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
