Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
