shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
