so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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