He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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