the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
