Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
my being single is dangerous.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
