I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
