I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
