the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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