I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize