why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He did a backflip because drugs
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
