She's JV to your varsity
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize