i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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