i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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